Here I am again

I have trigeminal neuralgia. I've had it for a lot of years, still every time it flares up it catches me off guard and I go through all kinds of emotion. I've been struggling with it for several weeks now, and it's really got me this time. Usually a simple med change can get things back to normal fairly quick. That isn't the case this time. I've been through several nights having to take pain meds that I try not to take, and several different medications, adding this one, subtracting that one, stopping and starting different ones, it's been challenging to say the least. The newest one is working! The side affects are kicking my butt right now.

One of the results of this challenge is that I haven't been able to run as much as I was before. Increasing my heart rate, increases my level of pain. Last night was my first night out for several weeks ( I have run a few times on a tread mill, but that just isn't the same). I couldn't even run a mile. One of my goals in this life changing journey that I am on is to run in the Turkey Trot in November. It is the first 5k that MP and J ran in, so I picked it to be my first. I was up to running just about 2 miles 5 times a week. So I've had a set back to say the least. My natural tendency is to give up, use my condition as an excuse to not continue. I'm trying really hard to fight that tendency. So, I'm going to back up on my training plan, and work my way back up. I still have time to be ready by Thanksgiving. So today I went to the gym, and tomorrow night I will be outside, running again!

I've been visiting my daughter, getting to know the newest addition to our family. Isn't she just beautiful! Taking her picture was a lot easier than trying to get a picture of the 4 of them together!

What Now?

I've spent a LOT of time trying to get to know myself. Now I'm at the point that I want to be doing something. There are so many things out there, how does a person pick? These are the things I'm thinking about. Foster care, I've thought about it many times, even went through all the classes in KS, it keeps coming back, so I'm thinking about it again. Volunteering to work with a program at the horse park that does therapy using horses. Our church has a back pack program, they fill hundreds of back packs with food on Fridays for children who might not get to eat without them. Those are just a few idea's. I just need to pick something and get started!

Better

I knew it wouldn't last long. My weekend was wonderful! The weather was beautiful. The temps were still very high, but the humidity was low. My nephews were here with us, we cooked out, went to the farmers market, had a picnic by the river. So nice!

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit

and out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalm 40:1-2

Wondering?

Do you have days when you just feel heavy? Physically heavy, emotionally heavy, spiritually heavy? That's how I feel right now. Just all over heavy. I keep exercising because I know I should, but it's so much work. Emotionally I feel disconnected from everything, but don't want to reach out and connect. I'm a people person, I need people, they are like breath to me, but sometimes it's just too much work to reach out. Reaching out would be pointless when I feel this way, because even if someone is here, I can't connect with them. I pick up my bible , and it's all just words on a page, it's as if I don't even know how to read. Trying to pray, connect with God feels just as pointless as reaching out to people right now. The good thing is, it's just day a day, or in this case two. Rationally, I know it won't last long, it never does, but while I'm in it, IT feels like forever. So, I go through the motions, get out of bed, go to the gym, make cupcakes for my life group, answer the phone (sometimes) smile at MP when he comes home early with a gift in hand. I'll go to bed early and hope the heaviness is gone when the alarm goes off in the morning.