4th of July Cupcakes

I spent the day making cupcakes today. Something I really love to do. I gave most of them away to the nanny across the street. I can't keep them in my house, that really won't help the weight loss. But I am looking for a really great white cake recipe. These are good, but not great, so I'm not sharing the recipe. If anyone has a really great one, I'd love to try it! The frosting however, is pretty good!

1 C butter

3 1/2 C powdered sugar

2 tsp vanilla

3 Tbs milk

Workout Frustration

I am thankful for my trainer who doesn't just listen to me when I'm frustrated, she helps me come up with a plan! The last 4 weeks my weight has remained the same. I go in for my nutrition coaching, get on the scale. . . and. . . it says the same thing it said 4 weeks ago!!!!!!!! ERRRR!!!!!! Friday I am leaving for 2 weeks. I'm going to stay with B until the new baby arrives. There will be no trainer, no nutrition coach, just me. I won't even be making the meals, I will be out of control, and yesterday I felt like I was loosing all control! I wanted to eat everything I could get my hands on, luckily there isn't anything really bad in the house, well, except the cupcake stuff I have for 4th of July cupcakes. (I'll put pictures here later if they turn out ok). Anyway, I talked with my trainer about it and she got out her measuring tape, and did my measurements. I've lost almost 19 inches!!!!!! 19!!!! 4 on my waist and 4 on my hips!!!!!!!! That's awesome, and it gave me some perspective. We also came up with a plan for interval training when I get back to help the scale start moving! Yeah! Oh, and I can't forget my nutrition coach who helped me come up with a plan to stay in control while I'm away. Thanks guys!!!!!!!!

Mercy

"I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. He listened so intently as I laid out my case before him. Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn't know which way to turn; then I called out to God for help: "Please God!" I cried out. "Save my life!" God is gracious-it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me." Ps 116:1 - The Message

26 years ago, I had a beautiful baby boy and I married his father, somehow thinking that getting married was making all the wrong I had done, right. Foolishness, rebellion, shattered dreams. I had 2 more beautiful babies and days, weeks, months of fear, anger, shame. The father was an addict. He came from generations of addiction. I knew when I married him, somehow I thought that love would make it better. He tried, program after program. He couldn't beat it, I gave up fighting and left.

My shame kept me from going to THE ONE who could help. When I gave up and turned to God, he answered me, was right there waiting for me. Mercy. I prayed for years and years that the generations of addiction would not be passed to our children. I cried out to God many nights as one child struggled.

Then today. . .the fathers Jr., comes to tell me with great excitement about his new job. Working at the rescue mission, with recovering addicts. This is my boy who cried and prayed for nights that God would help his father "stop drinking beer". It seems like I've watched things going full circle. God is good. Mercy.

4th of July

This year I will be with my daughter (B) and grand kids for the 4th of July. I bought cute little dresses for the girls and a shirt for , my grandson BB. We bought decorations and plan to have a great time being together. Big Jon and his wife will be with us for some part of the weekend, and we plan to have a little going away party for him. He deploys in 3 weeks. Some how the importance and meaning of July 4th has changed so much since MP and Big Jon are serving in the military, it's more personal now. Strange how that is.

Distant Memory

I've been gone for a week. Sitting on my butt in a conference room 8 hours a day, eating food that I hope is within my calorie range. Today was the test, did I make good choices, did I sneak to many chocolate snacks, did I walk enough? I wanted to skip the scale today, just go in and see my trainer, workout and go home, not face the music. . .I did it anyway, there was a new coach today, she didn't know my history, couldn't really scold me if my results weren't good. I didn't need her to, the scale said it all, I gained a pound. A pound doesn't sound bad, except that last week I had gained 2, now I'm up 3. So what do I do now? I want to go eat a package of Oreo's, instead, I come home, drink a bottle of water and mow the lawn. At lunch time I follow my eating plan and start over again, one foot in front of the other. Last week I ran a mile for the first time. Today I got on the scale that said I gained a pound, and what seemed like a huge victory last week, is just a distant memory.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

The One Thing

One thing that I have been working on is getting healthy. Eating better, exercising more, spending more quiet time with God. That has meant completely re-programing my eating habits, and my daily routine. I have a weekly menu and I try to stick to it, I try to get to the gym 3 times a week, (it usually ends up being 2 times) and I try to walk or run 3 times a week. So I get up, eat breakfast, go to the gym, come home shower, do laundry, and them I usually end up blog reading instead of going right to my time with God. Why is it that the thing that is most beneficial is the easiest to put off? I love to go sit on my patio with a cup of coffee, my bible and my notebook, but it is the one thing that I have done the least of recently. Anyone else have that problem?

Child Like

As the Mom of adult children, I cherish the times when the little child in them sneaks out. Last week I saw the 4 year old peak out when I told J on his birthday that dad was at the airport picking up Big Jon. The camera couldn't do the moment justice. I heard the 4 year old voice and saw the 4 year old face light up, and the adult eyes fill with tears as he said, my brothers coming?! Today J had surgery, the 4 year old returned in the recovery room, as he laid there shivering and I cleaned drool out of his grown man beard. These are moments although not caught on camera are forever caught in my mind.

Getting Healthy

One thing I'm working on this year is getting healthy. I'm eating better & exercising. Last Wednesday was my youngest son's (J) birthday, I fixed and ate some of his favorites. Also last Wednesday, my Marine son, Big Jon came for a quick visit before his next deployment. Of course we ate all of his favorites too. In addition to eating way more than I should have, I didn't go to the gym either. Now I'm paying for it! Yesterday was a 4 mile walk run, and today was an hour long workout at the gym. Then before I hit the shower I mowed the lawn. Right now I just want to go to bed! Unfortunately I didn't get much housework done while Big Jon was visiting, so everything is staring me in the face saying get this done now. J has surgery tomorrow and I have bunco at the house tomorrow night so, there is no putting it off until tomorrow. Perhaps I could put it off for just a few minutes for a quick nap? This getting healthy thing is exhausting!

Saying Good-bye

In the past few days I've said a lot of good-byes. When we moved to KY 5 years ago, I began relationships with several families who moved here for the same reason we did. Seminary. Several families were here to meet the military requirements for chaplaincy, the same thing that brought us here. In the past 5 years we have gone through life with these people. We've shared meals, prayed together, mourned together and celebrated together. It made sense that we were friends, we had a commonality that few people had. Two years ago MP graduated, we were told that he would be deployed within 8 weeks. The plan was that during his deployment he would submit his paperwork for active duty chaplaincy and upon his return to KY we would move to his first duty station. It's been two years and MP is still here, and is full time with the National Guard. Apparently God's plans for him were different than ours. I'm not complaining, just saying, things have not gone as we planned. In the past four days I have said good-bye to the last two families that we have gone through this journey with. I'm happy for them, sad for me, I'm still here. I like here, I'm happy here. It's just that they are living the life I thought we were going to have. Does that make sense? We moved out of the seminary town and to the city a few months ago, and I was ok with that. Our friends were still here, just a few miles away. Now they are gone and there is really no reason to go back to that little town. Today is the first time that it feels like that chapter of my life is over. I wonder what the next chapter will look like?