What now?

Wow, it's been nearly a month. I had surgery October 1. I wasn't prepared for the weeks between then and now, I'm not sure I could have been. I am happy to say that I am now on the other side of pain for the most part. Right now I'm frustrated from my lack of energy, and have honestly come pretty close to self-pity. Today I decided that it is time to dust off my boots and get back to life. I've been through some stuff for sure, but who hasn't. My God is big enough and close enough, he knows. So God, what now?

Being Away

This is the beach where I grew up in NY. Everytime I go home my first stop is the beach, doesn't matter what the weather is. God speaks to me here.

This is one of my favorite friends, coffee and the sunrise in Virginia MP at sunrise

Sunset at one of the restaurants we ate at. Wonderful food, great people and a beautiful veiw!

I've been on vacation, and it was beautiful!

Change of plans

I've been away for longer than I like to be. Like I said in my last post, this medicine is kicking my butt! I hoped my body would adjust but that has not been the case. I had a consult last week with a surgeon, expecting to set a date to have gamma knife again, instead I'm having a micro vascular decompression on Oct. 1. Honestly I was really freaked out about it for a few days. First it was not at all what I expected, and second the risks are a lot bigger than the risks with gamma knife. Honestly, after dealing with this medicine for a couple of weeks I can't wait to have the surgery! I had gamma knife a few years ago, knowing that it would probably not last forever. In Nov. of 2005 I started having pain again, and have been on meds since 2006. I honestly don't remember what the "real" me feels like, and am looking forward to having her back. I have complete confidence in my God, and know that whatever happens he is in control. My plans have changed, but God's have not. Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Psalms 33:11 "But the Lord's plans stand firm forever, his intentions can never be shaken"

I pray for my husband right now, who is more stressed out about this than he really wants me to know. I want him to be at peace. I thank God for him, he is such a blessing to me, I hate to see him worried.

Here I am again

I have trigeminal neuralgia. I've had it for a lot of years, still every time it flares up it catches me off guard and I go through all kinds of emotion. I've been struggling with it for several weeks now, and it's really got me this time. Usually a simple med change can get things back to normal fairly quick. That isn't the case this time. I've been through several nights having to take pain meds that I try not to take, and several different medications, adding this one, subtracting that one, stopping and starting different ones, it's been challenging to say the least. The newest one is working! The side affects are kicking my butt right now.

One of the results of this challenge is that I haven't been able to run as much as I was before. Increasing my heart rate, increases my level of pain. Last night was my first night out for several weeks ( I have run a few times on a tread mill, but that just isn't the same). I couldn't even run a mile. One of my goals in this life changing journey that I am on is to run in the Turkey Trot in November. It is the first 5k that MP and J ran in, so I picked it to be my first. I was up to running just about 2 miles 5 times a week. So I've had a set back to say the least. My natural tendency is to give up, use my condition as an excuse to not continue. I'm trying really hard to fight that tendency. So, I'm going to back up on my training plan, and work my way back up. I still have time to be ready by Thanksgiving. So today I went to the gym, and tomorrow night I will be outside, running again!

I've been visiting my daughter, getting to know the newest addition to our family. Isn't she just beautiful! Taking her picture was a lot easier than trying to get a picture of the 4 of them together!

What Now?

I've spent a LOT of time trying to get to know myself. Now I'm at the point that I want to be doing something. There are so many things out there, how does a person pick? These are the things I'm thinking about. Foster care, I've thought about it many times, even went through all the classes in KS, it keeps coming back, so I'm thinking about it again. Volunteering to work with a program at the horse park that does therapy using horses. Our church has a back pack program, they fill hundreds of back packs with food on Fridays for children who might not get to eat without them. Those are just a few idea's. I just need to pick something and get started!

Better

I knew it wouldn't last long. My weekend was wonderful! The weather was beautiful. The temps were still very high, but the humidity was low. My nephews were here with us, we cooked out, went to the farmers market, had a picnic by the river. So nice!

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit

and out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalm 40:1-2